We are at the hospital, waiting in silence as we nervously watch the nurse roll a strange ‘pen-like’ device over my wife's belly. Over the last few weeks my wife hasn’t felt right, but that could just be the hormones. We check google and ask our close friends in an effort to reassure ourselves that everything is fine. Today will be the first glimpse of our child.
To give some context to our story, my wife has a 20-year-old daughter from a previous relationship and has wanted another child for a long time. Over the period of time Esther had serious medical complications (due to two bowel operations) and as a result the Doctor said it was highly unlikely that she and her partner at the time would ever be able to have children. Over time the relationship ended as did Esther’s hopes of having a child.
Six years later Esther and I met! She was very upfront from the start about the unlikeliness of being able to have kids but to me that wasn’t a deal breaker, we both know God has a precedent miracles and in particular for gifting the unlikely candidates with a baby (Sarah, Hannah and Elizabeth), and regardless of the situation I loved Esther and wanted to spend my life with her with or without children. Within 18 months of meeting, we are married.
To say I was surprised to hear that my wife was pregnant 3 months into married life would be an understatement. “What? How? I mean... I thought the doctors?!” Esther and her family couldn’t believe it too, it was a miracle!
Back to the Hospital, the silence is broken by the nurse, “I’m afraid we can’t see anything in the womb”. We look at each other in disbelief, “what do you mean?” We’ve done three pregnancy tests, they were all positive? How can that be, where is our baby?
Tragically for us the pregnancy was ectopic, the egg failed to make its way out of the fallopian tube into the womb. Esther had to be rushed into surgery where they removed our baby and the tube. The next day Esther and I left the hospital without our baby.
It’s been a hard time for us but especially for Esther. We don’t question that God loves us, we know he does and we know he will carry us through this experience. If we are being honest we feel like we’ve been let down. God had the power to protect our baby and he didn’t.
This highlights a massive tension for those who believe in an all-powerful being:
God can, but sometimes he doesn’t.
How do we handle this tension as Christians?
There’s a story in Daniel about three men called Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. They were three highly skilled Jewish men that were exiled to serve king Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon’s government. During his reign Nebuchadnezzar set up an image of gold that he demanded his subjects to bow down and worship. To cut a long story short the three men refused as they would only bow . Livid, king Nebuchadnezzar demanded an explanation:
Daniel 3:16-18 “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”
The three men were bound and thrown into the fiery furnace by Nebuchadnezzar’s solder’s and they were saved.
Great story, but how does it apply to us? Well firstly Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were living in a foreign land. They had been handed over by God as Jerusalem fell into the hands of the Babylonians, so they were living in disappointment but despite this they still knew who God was and that he could do the impossible. but even if he doesn’t he still is God!
As a result of Esther’s operation we cannot have a child through natural means. Esther and I are deeply disappointed that things haven’t worked out as we hoped. But we know that we worship a God who can do the impossible, but even if he doesn’t he is still God. He is good and He will never leave us or forsake us.
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